Arranged marriage is a common phenomenon in my culture. I’m sure you can guess what culture it is.
Yes, South East Asian.
It’s really a whole different world.
Just for a second imagine……………….
You are 20 years old and have never been in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. You have never spoken to a man in a loving manner. You have never pursued the desires your mind fantasises about.
Yet one day, your loving parents approach you, saying “will you marry this gentleman……”
Marry?? Marry??? Marry???
At first you feel fear, but then a rush of excitement hits you, the feeling of your first crush. A feeling of your future. A feeling of being loved in a unique way.
And to be fair, how else are you going to be able to pick a male to marry when you are completely out of the social sphere. And you have no idea on how to pull a guy.
So, you decide to say, yes. As you are told to trust your parents. As they themselves were an arranged marriage and have been going for 30 plus years. I wouldn’t say they have been happy throughout. But they made it.
Then you try to talk to this man. That appears to have liked your picture that was shown to him by his parents. You both send one another texts over your long 3 year engagement period.
You fall into some deep sexual relationships as you have never experienced the feeling of being intimate with another person. It feels like your hitting puberty again. Obviously, this was only sexting. Which is not allowed and completely against the rules. So, you feel regret every time you do it. But he asks for it every time. And the messages he seems to send you always start with “I’m in bed, I feel hot. Let’s sext”.
Soon you realise that you have no foundations. It’s almost like you just had a one-night stand. Talked a little, made each other happy in bed. And then that’s it…..
No contact for months on end.
You feel so afraid of who this man will be. You don’t know his likes and dislikes, you don’t know his habits, you have no clue on what his hobbies are let alone his morals to life.
He doesn’t know you. What your passions and dreams are. And the worst thing about it is he doesn’t seem interested in finding out either.
I am afraid. I am afraid to walk into this relationship completely blind sighted. Should I ignore my gut feelings of this being completely wrong, as it’s what the past generations have done. Or do I say NO and start the new path for the rest of the generations to come.
I think it’s a no brainer!!!